English and How it Doesn't Make Sense.

Teaching English has made me realize a lot of things I never knew about the words I speak every day. Like how the word 'vacation' sounds a lot like the word 'bacon' (or at least it does the way Korean people say it). This, of course, was not something I realized on my own, but with the help of Justin, one of my more annoying students. He then proceeded to give me bacon-related answers to all the questions I asked him the rest of class. ('Justin, what do you use a jail for?' 'To keep the bacon when you are afraid someone will steal it'; 'Justin, why do you think the people ran from the volcano?' 'Because they missed their bacon, teacher').

There are other, more difficult things to try to explain. The word 'sure', for instance, not only has a confusing pronunciation, but several meanings. There are times when you use it to mean the affirmative (“Sure, you can have a cookie”), and times you use it when you are certain (“are you sure?”). Americans also tend to use the word when answering in the affirmative but they don’t really mean it (“You did walk the dog, right?” “Sure….”).

There are words that can be used in different situations to mean different things. For instance, ‘wake’, which can mean the trail a boat left in the water, the party before a funeral (so-named because you were waiting for the deceased to 'wake' in case they were just sleeping off inebriation), the action of coming out of sleep, or the action of pulling someone out of sleep. Harder still is ‘wax’. The moon can wax, but so can a woman with harry legs. A surfer can wax their surfboard or their car, but not in the same way as harry women can wax; and a person could wax eloquent on any number of topics.

‘Flag’ is another one. You can flag someone down, or flag at the end of a race, or flag could just mean a sheet of cloth that represents your country.

Even harder still are words with subtle differences. Have you ever tried explaining the difference between crumbled, crushed, and squashed to a non-English speaker? What about the difference between glow, shine, or twinkle? Tripped and stumbled? Nervous and worried? Holiday and vacation? How would you explain what an idea is? Or embarrassment? Or a hero? Obviously, you know what all these things mean, but how would you explain it?

Did you know that, despite the fact that ‘fish’ is an uncountable noun (you use the same word for both plural and singular, like ‘sheep’), it is still technically correct to say ‘fishes’ when referring to many different types of fish? Ex: There are many fish in the sea, but there are also many different kinds of fishes. There are also things that non-native speakers would find it impossible to know. Like that ‘doggie’ doesn’t necessarily refer to a puppy, but is a name children use for dogs. The same with ‘bunny’, which doesn’t, in fact, refer to a baby rabbit, but is what babies use to refer to rabbits.

Why is there an ‘r’ in Mrs.? Why is there an ‘o’ in ‘won’t’ (because it is a contraction of 'will not' with the apostrophe representing the missing 'o')? Why can you pronounce the word ‘a’ like ‘ay’ or ‘uh’ but the word ‘as’ is always pronounced one way?

Then, there’s a whole lot of difference between the way Americans speak and the way British people speak. There are even words that are equally intelligible to both parties, but aren’t often used by them. ‘Brilliant’ and ‘horrid’ being words more often used by Brits.

Today, I had to explain to my students the difference between ‘st.’ and ‘dr.’ when they come before a name and when they come after. When ‘dr.’ comes before a name, it means ‘Doctor’ and after it means ‘drive’. An ‘st.’ before inevitable means ‘saint’ while after would mean ‘street’.

How does anyone learn English?

Spelling in Korean

A major challenge of living in a country that doesn't (for the most part) speak English, is trying to learn the language (obvi). Korean has the added dimension of having an entirely different alphabet. I am slowly learning it ('slowly' being the operative word here) but I have most of it down and can read most signs.

In Korean, there is no such thing as two consonants together (and in this case, W and Y don't count as consonants, they are considered vowels). So when Koreans translate words from English into Korean, they often add a bunch of vowels. Words like 'apartment' would be "apatuh-mentuh". Most Koreans, whether they have studied English or not, know at least 500 English words from advertising and daily use. Words like "super", "delicious" and "spicy" appear in ads for all ranges of things and for the most part they are used correctly. Then there are the words that have been picked up from English for everyday use, like 'apartment' since there is no Korean equivalent. Words like 'cookie', 'ice cream', 'oatmeal', 'card', 'hand phone', 'computer' and 'tomato' are the same in English and Korean, except with more vowels and different pronunciation.

They also have only one letter for many sounds. For example, ch/z/j are only one letter, b/p/v are one, t/d are one, r/l are one, and s/sh and g/k are both together. But that doesn't mean that they don't differentiate. I haven't been able to get a straight answer on this from anyone, but it appears that their placement in the word affects how you pronounce them.

When translating Korean words into Roman letters, its hard to get it exactly right. There are two official ways to romanize Korean and there are a billion ways that actually are applied on sales brochures and signs. For example, the word 떡찜 (a popular Korean snack consisting of spongy rice cakes in spicy sauce) is pronounced "duk-boh-gee" with a hard 'g'. But I have seen it spelled a thousand different ways: Tokkboki, Dduggpoki, Ttugpogi, etc.

Even the name 'Park', which is famously a Korean last name, is spelled 박 which is pronounced 'Bahk' or 'Pahg', no 'r'. Kim, spelled 김, which is also the word for a type of seaweed, is often pronounced 'Kim' when referring to people and 'Gim' when referring to food. This is just something I've noticed so it may be that I just imagined it. But on the other hand, I never wonder, when someone says the two in the same sentence, what they are talking about.

There is also one letter, the one that is represented by a circle and pronounced 'ng', that is often silent in words. The rule, as I have come to understand it, is that if its in the front of a syllable, then it is silent. But if its after the vowel, then if speaks. This is a way or spelling things that separates the vowels so we can understand the pronunciation better. Korean has some vowels that, when you combine them, they have a different sound. To avoid confusion, when the vowels are not combined, there is a 'ng' between them. Also, if a word starts with a vowel, then the 'ng' goes before and is silent. Just because.

While we're on the subject of all things Korean, I have to mention how cheering for people is really important in their culture. Even in PE class, when the little kids are jumping rope, Christina teacher, more often than not, get the kids to chant for their classmates as they jump. This is magnified exponentially at national sporting events like soccer games, the World Cup, the Olympics, etc. They train for months to be able to do these human LCD screens that are just amazing. Watch this video and you will understand the awesomeness if not the purpose.

Finally, this may only be funny if you are a teacher in Korea but I couldn't stop laughing. Basically, a lot of public school teachers are led to believe they have a month or two off in the summer because the kids are off. Not true. Most public schools either have their teachers do summer camps or they make them 'desk warm' which is basically sitting at a desk all day in case a kid comes in with a question. This is often revealed at the last second to teachers who have already made plans to travel abroad. Someone made a video of what would happen if Hitler was in this situation. Very funny. Watch.

Of All the Gin Joints In All the World...

Leslie and I went out tonight, as is our usual on Friday, to eat at a restaurant and decompress from the week. We found an amazing resturaunt that served the best food I've had in a while. The place was so small that you could probably walk from one end of the kitchen and out the door in ten steps. The kitchen looked like someone's kitchen in their house and you could watch them prepare your food from your seat.

After the meal, which was ridiculously cheap ($6, no tip - in Korea its considered rude) we went for a stroll where we met up with three other people (Roza, Mia, and Jeremy) we knew from various places. It got me thinking about how small the world is in general, not just Korea or the ex-pat world. Its as if, if you are a world traveler, you meet the same people over and over again. And I am not refering to some personality type that you meet often in different people, I'm talking about literally the same people.

For instance, Roza is an Azerbaijani who moved to America in her teens and spent the rest of her student years there. She, some crazy how, knows this girl - Fidan - I went to high school with. The only justification I can wring out of Roza as to how they know each other, is a non-committal shrug and "She's Azeri". Which I suppose is enough explanation for her - she tried to explain how small the country is - but to me, it is not in the least bit enlightening. I mean, she can't know everyone in the country - no country is that small.

Further proof that the world really has less than six degrees of separation is the fact that Stephanie and I learned to ski at the same resort in Garmisch-Partenkirchen; and that my first and second grade Music teacher (from Kenya) goes to Leslie's church. Here in Suji. Dare is say it? It's a small world after all.

We ended the night looking into a Kpop dance class for Roza. Roza loves Kpop even more than Leslie does - and Leslie will sometimes stop a conversation mid sentence to listen to a song on a loud speaker. And even though Leslie and Roza have discovered in each other their long-lost Kpop soul mates (Seoul mates?), Leslie doesn't have the energy for Kpop dance class on top of her ridiculous work schedule. She did, however, know of a class that was nearby so we decided to check it out.

What followed was a tri-lingual conversation between the dance instructor, Roza and Roza's friend Mia who is Russian-Korean (born to Korean parents in Uzbekistan when it was still part of the Soviet Union). The Instructor would attempt to start a sentence in English, end up in Korean, at which point Mia would translate it into Russian, and Roza would respond again in English or broken Korean. Leslie and I watched the exchange feeling very monolingual. Wait, scratch that, Leslie speaks Hawai'ian. So, really, I was the only mono-linguist in the conversation. Bleh, I need to get on that.

Apricot Class and Orange Crazy

It finally happened. That bastion of guy-dom known as Apricot class is no longer a safe place for little Korean boys to practice their fart humor or stick crayons up their noses. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Apricot class has acquired its first girl.

Her name is Jia (English name: Abigail) and she is quite adorable. The boys were absolutely beside themselves when they met her. Korean boys don't seem to go through a phase where they think that girls have cooties. On the contrary, the Korean teachers are regularly called upon to preside over kindergarten weddings that are rent asunder the next day when Katie is seen holding Eddy's hand instead of Tony's.

When Abigail came in, the boys all dove under the table. This is because, after figuring out how much it annoys Lynn and I, it is really just their first response to any stimuli. Also, they were being shy. They continued to hide until Lukas crawled out and started chattering at her like it was his job. Kevin shuffled over only after Lynn demanded that he greet Abby. He got real close, head down, hands at his sides, said 'hi', and then ran away. Kris just settled for sitting very close to her and petting her hair all throughout the next period.

When it was time to play, the four of them could be seen escorting her through the halls - one in front, one holding each of her hands, and one behind, all chattering away. Abby's mom was hanging out throughout the day and seemed to find them all incomprehensibly cute. As did we all.

As for my older classes, I have begun to not mind staying so late to teach classes. I used to dread it, but now I know what I'm doing and none of the classes intimidate me anymore. There is still one class that is mostly rowdy boys that drives me up the wall. But I have learned my tricks to deal with them.

My last class of the day consists, now, of three kids. When I first got here, there were about nine kids in that class - I'm hoping it is not my fault that it dwindled. The two quietest kids from the original class are left and, now that its just those two and one other, I have come to understand that, unlike typical Korean kids who are quiet, they were only quiet because language was too big a limitation on their crazy.

Jin (English name: Helena) takes my dry erase markers when I am out of the class room and draws little faces on the table (no worries, it comes off easily). When I come back and ask that she please erase them, she refuses because they are "her friends".

Paul (not to be confused with kindergarten Paul in Apricot) likes to go around telling everyone he's a genius or a prodigy and changes his name on a daily basis. I'll call on him to answer a question and he will look at me blankly. I will then cycle through his other well known aliases including, but not limited to, "English", "Apostrophe", "Liquid Gold", "Rumpelstiltskin", "Orange" and most recently, "Harvard". At which point, if I haven't hit on one that suits him at the moment, I will demand he tell me what name he is operating under today so I can avoid going through the entire English language before he deigns to answer the question.

Ivy (whose name was Ingrid - my fault - until we decided on the more pleasant 'Ivy') is the most annoying of the three only because I can't get her to speak a lot of English. She always depends on Paul to translate for her. She, however, has an unholy obsession with Noah Ringer (who? you ask. Its the guy who played Aang in 'The Last Airbender'. How she got an obsession worthy crush out of that crap heap of a movie, I'll never understand). She also is the one that, before the bell even stops ringing, is already at my desk - poking me or asking me what I'm doing. Together, they make my days end on a pretty ridiculous note.

As a further note, if anyone gets the chance, you should read "Mother Tongue" by Bill Bryson. I've only started but the linguistic geek in my is pretty thrilled. Its all about the English Language and its strangeness. This is really just a refresher for my linguistic anthropology class but its still really interesting. They did skip over a bit that I thought was important about the difference between a pidgin and a creole language. Basically, the only way to measure the difference is that a creole language has native speakers while pidgins don't. Most languages we think of a pidgins today - Hawai'ian pidgin, for example - are really creoles. Otherwise, really interesting.

In which I go all Linguistic Anthropology on you

Apparently, in Korean, when you ask a question you put the question word at the end of the sentence. And its a well known linguistic phenomenon that people who learn a foreign language often take the properties from their own language and apply it to the new language.

A good example in this case is what is referred to in academic circles as 'Black English Vernacular' or BEV. It has also been called 'ebonics'. Both of these term I find amusing but for lack of a better work I will use 'BEV.'. The word 'be' in BEV can denote habitual action. For example: 'he be running' means 'he is habitually running'. And although it may sound like improper verb usage, it is proper verb usage in many African languages where verbs can denote both habitualness and one time action without a change in form. Yay for Linguistic Anthropology 101.

How this applies to Korea is that when one of the kids asks a question its always "Teacher, dog is what?" or "Teacher, do I read where?".

There are other small things that make teaching English interesting. For example, the pronounciation of R's and L's are always mixed up to the point where, when choosing an English name for a student, the Korean teachers will give them names like 'Rucy' instead of 'Lucy'. F's and P's are also mixed up as well as V's and B's. The word 'five' sounds like 'pibe'.

Koreans don't like words that end in a consonant, either. They will add a vowel sound onto the end of a word instead of pronouncing it the way it is written. Words like 'think' become 'think-eh' and 'dog' becomes 'dog-uh'.

Its also confusing for them to learn English because they have way more vowels than we do. Or I should say, Korean spells out how each vowel sounds and they don't vary from that sound. In English, vowels sound the way they sound, until they don't. We have r-controlled vowels (as in 'torn' as opposed to 'ton'), long and short vowels (dog versus hippo, igloo versus isolate) and diphthongs such as 'ae' (which is pronounced 'eye' until its not) and 'au' ('ow'). And then some vowels are ignored all together - like in the word 'you' and 'like'.

Don't even get me started on trying to explain the whole 'gh' thing to the kids. Why 'laugh' and 'enough' have F sounds while 'thought' and 'through' don't. Because there is no reason. Language is born from speed and laziness, not logic. That's why the most irregular verbs are the ones most often used in any language. People use them so much they change them beyond recognition. (For example: Latin: sum, ero, esse, fui, sim; Spanish: soy, era, fui, sere; English: am, is, are, were, be, had been, will be - all forms of 'to be'. Oh yeah, I can conjugate in three languages).

I started in on this language thing to tell a story and then totally got carried away. Okay, here goes. One day, a kid came into the teacher's lounge crying. He was a boy about 8-10 years old and I can't even remember what he was upset about. But he was explaining it to us (three foreign teachers) and we were all sympathy. My co-teacher held out his arms to the kid and asked "Do you want a hug?"

The little guy just stared at us for a long time and finally said 'Teacher, hug is what?". Like he'd never had a hug before in his life. He was just so darn pitiful we all started laughing.

Wow. Long explanation for a story that you really had to be there for. I'd say it won't happen again, but I'd be lying.


On a completely unrelated-to-Korea note, I am super excited for this movie to come out, even if it won't be as good as the comics. One of my favorite actresses is in it (at the end, 'oh, thats not that bad'). What do you guys think? Personally, I'm getting sick of Micheal Cera.